"The Lazy Sunday" Post

the sound of guitar strings and my excited father, who's strumming them, can be quite distracting.But in a peaceful, calm way.I can almost never see my father just sitting and enjoying some good music, or reading a book, sipping on coffee.So THIS, is quite a change.
I think life makes you feel really busy, always at a loss of time.And the thought of relaxing is just a random thought passing by.
As for me, I think I've been doing 'nothing' for too long.I need to get my ass off this chair and start doing something for a change.And I'm hoping the change will happen soon.The whole idea of being sixty and staying alone in a nice little cottage in Goa, is sort of scary and is evaporating.I guess when I'm over loaded with work issues and heart/lung diseases, I'll probably adopt this rosy little idea again.As of now, am praying for a lot of things.Monsoon being one of them.

Scratching a Brain to Pull out a Dream.

There isn't much about disappointment that we don't know.It hurts and quite evidently.But sometimes deconstructing the feeling is harder than one would think, so while I was in the middle of feeling stupid and trying real hard to hold back some sensitive tear glands from leaking, I didn't even know if the disappointment I felt was real.
After a relatively easy and subjective entrance, the next step was the interview.My first one, at that.Banking solely on my passion for the subject and my luck*which by the way never works,as shall be proved,AGAIN*, I walked into the room.My interview, to cut a long story short, was good.It's nice to know what people think of your work, especially if they're appreciative!Basically, everything went smoothly and my morale was more than satisfied.But then happy endings aren't a fad anymore.
The catch, was a pretty obvious one.Assumptions always screw things up for me.A camera,I was told, is compulsory and it obviously has to be a SLR.So I'm provided with the specifications,which end up being something around 60,000.*ouch* -my tear glands-
This is when I feel stupid, by the way.
I know the whole deal about money not being the only thing in the world, but one can't do without it.The thought of asking my parents, who are ever-willing, to spend close to two lakhs, on a course which doesn't even guarantee me a job, is sort of unfair.It is, no matter how much people convince me against it.The guilt is way too much to handle.I can't depend on people for life, it's not done somehow.
I am in love with photography and probably if I had that kind of family money,I wouldn't think about it so much .But the fact is, I don't.And I feel, the right thing to do would be to postpone this to a few years later, where I can depend on myself.and support my passions on my own.

Yea...I wish.

a fire that doesn't burn

you choose zero.a reality,you choose.there's the singing bird that you plan to let loose.how often have you caught yourself?how often have you cared?

how much have you suffered?how much of it is fair?

you choose fantasy.a reality,you choose.there is no singing bird here for you to let loose.

how are your little fairies?do they use their magic wands?

what kind of remedy do they offer,now that your friend is gone?

RetRo iMpulsE::

sins are so free that it makes me want to buy them.
I'm sort of justifying my stand.I probably wouldn't have given up so easy but am sleepy.
vintage scenes.retro dreams.here I come.

you're enclosed.

a wine and cherried bed sheet and the flowy white sheers.the perfect place to romanticise my thoughts and my reality.somehow the romantic part ends right after it starts.Picturesque?yea,well I mean I'd start off anywhere.sometimes I just don't know what to say and when to say it.This was one such awkwardly handled situation.ah,but life moves on!
we're this stranded group(two people qualify as a group,don't they?).doubled into this huge figureless entity.Expected to be put together.Well,we're not.
surprisingly, there isn't any smoke.just water.there's a terrible attempt at making some dish called Maggie.the phone,which won't ring.and a weak but working mind.
Let's say this wasn't a start.Let's just say we were trying to avoid what we can't define...I guess they call it reality.

undefined

The negative dream sort of took its toll on me.It's like this weird sign, maybe a hint.I didn't know then, neither do I know now.It sure is weird being engulfed by heap loads of black, dark matter.It's strange that it affected so much to result in pain, to force me to wake up.