My fish won't breathe till death

this is probably to get me out of the hot and cold effects of being 'affected'.

trust me,there's not an ounce of it that I like of it.so much so for 'looking through' people!man,do I have wrong ideas about myself!the question, however,is whether I should actually have any idea of myself at all.I'd like to answer that in the affirmative.It doesn't harm me as much as being absolutely clueless.I'd like to think that I DO know stuff about myself.Its better than having others tell you what you're like.

Anyhow,am really,tremendously looking forward to some trip.dharmshala,hrishikesh any damn place would do!_____________there are sometimes when you're so shy or embarrassed to admit your feelings.THIS is that 'sometime'.and I wish I didn't have to go through this sometime,but I'm overburdened with LUCK.

My intuition*another one of those ideas about myself*is strangely strong.I truly believe it is.but when it points at some random thing which in the end does not happen,my intuition gets this huge blow.it's like the ego getting hurt.only, in my case my intuition gets hurt.So yea.

then I happily mix my intuition with some dumb.muddled up feelings of mine.and the concoction is known as "negative confusion" .It negates every bit of hope and pure happiness attached to something making me distrust others.The blame's on me.I do it invariably.whenever my intuition fucks up.

So THAT is how I end up getting to this static-o!positively the greatest mood fucker.I don't know if I feel forgotten or cheated,at this point.I know that I'm still not in a hurry.I was but not now.even if I wander,I do come back.just that I don't find anyone waiting.

Ghost in the Machine

.How vague is temporary living?.
tempting to find your own pile of whims and fancies.but to know that none of it is real.
how vague is it to put your thoughts to work when you know they're of no use?
erratic emotions.your love caught behind bars.
you're trapped and not leaving.
how vague is it that a part of you is eternal and you don't know it?
there's no escaping this reality,the time that holds you back.
you breathe on a distant land that you're told is not even worth it.
how vague is it that there's a ghost who's waiting for you to die?
the immortal space that it desires is beyond these temporal lines.
how vague is it that your captivity,forces you to be unkind?

wordless species.

gosh!embarassment can be rubbed in for sure.It's awkward to call someone at 3a.m and speak to their parents!wow!how many times can I do this>>no,I don't want to answer that.
so,yea umm...I'm so and so and I'd like to speak to so and so and blah blah.
you're aware that it's past 3?
uh...
Yea I know I should have had the brains to hang up.I think I'm the one who needs a head not Ritwika!terrible.it's like this horrid mishap.something you'd report about.
have I been embarrassed or have I been embarrassed>

dad's on the line,wants a word with you.

really?that's great!