Paranoid lessons.

Return. Hmm. I like the word and the way it sounds but I don't quite fancy this word for its meaning. Okay, I'll be specific...I don't like the word for the meaning it holds in my life.

It's never been "good to be back" for me, I've never cherished returning to places that usually hold a lot of importance in a person's life. So whether it's school, college even or my first work place, given an opportunity I'd almost positively, never like to return. Oh yes, of course I had fun and believe it or not, I did have friends (surprisingly I still do)! There's really not a reason I can find for me to hesitate going back to any of the places I just mentioned. But then again, I see no reason for me to return either.

There's something about returning to such places, I can't do it right. I think I fear being asked questions that I won't have the answers to. I fear being told that I've not changed a bit, or maybe that I have changed too much. Maybe it's not me, maybe it's the place, the people who have changed.

While my so called fear does manage to override most of my decisions, I don't feel as afraid when it comes to returning to people. Strange? I think so. I can be angry, humiliated, hurt or pleased, it really makes no difference. No, no...I'm not clingy!

It's just that things are so much easier when you don't have to fight, or leave and say good-bye. Especially with people you love. The ones you call your own. I might not be at fault, I may be the one who's been wronged but after a point all that doesn't matter, right?

Sadly enough though, most people I know preach the same but don't really practice it. Well, some of them don't preach it either. And in a way, I'm sure they're happier because they can "let go". But is it really worth it? Am I putting my self-esteem and other similar words at risk? I guess but over time I've learnt how it's really not so cool to be detached. Or even pretend to be the same. And if you've really chosen the path of detachment, then why discriminate, right? Why detach yourself from people around you but not the things around you?

For me, relationships really aren't that easy to ignore. I've got my ego but I'd like to think it's just the right amount, which is why usually it stays out of the way.