no cure for hope

After two months of literally cheating on our friend and hiding things from her,we finally decided that the best thing to do was to tell her.It's lame and exceedingly so,but the fear of ruining things for her was way too much and we definitely didn't want her to suffer.Kind of obvious that we were quite late and even though the guilt's off my back now,it still doesn't seem right.
I don't doubt our decision,it was important for her to know.But somehow,something is missing.It's incomplete.Or lets say we didn't do it right.I can hardly explain what am going through and it would really help if I could cause it's bothering me.My friend's away and so there's this added distance between us.More than anything,I'm really afraid.that's the closest I can get to explain what I'm feeling.The past three years have meant so much for all of us that it seems too cruel to suddenly let go.It's not what I'm willing to do.Probably I didn't play my part too well but it's not like I didn't want to.But without any excuses,I am really sorry for whatever happened.
I don't think any one of us is ready to lose any more.